Put your phones away and make time for your partner. In our fast-paced, digitally driven world, it's easy to get caught up in the allure of our smartphones. These devices can be incredibly useful, helping us stay connected with friends, manage our schedules, and access a wealth of information at our fingertips. However, the very same technology that connects us can also create significant distance in our most important relationships.
Reclaiming Dinner Time for Connection
Phones have become a constant presence in our lives, often pulling our attention away from those who are right in front of us. At times, we may find ourselves more engaged with our screens than with the people we care about most. This habit can be particularly damaging during moments that are meant to bring us closer together, like shared meals. Dinner time, for instance, should be an opportunity to talk, share experiences, and deepen your connection with your partner and family. But if everyone is staring at their screens, that opportunity is lost, replaced by silence and disconnection.
Setting a Positive Example for Your Children
It's important to ask yourself whether you're setting a positive example for your children. Are you showing them that being present and engaged with family is more important than checking the latest notification or responding to a text? Creating a "no phone zone" at home—a space where phones are put aside in favour of genuine conversation—can be a powerful way to reclaim quality time. In this space, you can sit together, talk openly, and enjoy each other's company without the constant interruptions of incoming calls or messages.
The Hidden Dangers of Digital Distraction
Moreover, it's crucial to recognise the impact that constant phone use can have on your relationships. Many of us have become so accustomed to being connected to our devices that we don't realize the harm it can cause to our connections with the people around us. Research has shown that excessive phone use can lead to feelings of neglect and frustration in relationships, as partners may feel undervalued or ignored. Over time, this can erode the trust and intimacy that are vital for a healthy relationship.
Prioritising Presence Over Notifications
Being mindful of who is sitting with you, rather than who might be reaching out from afar, is a practice that can greatly enhance your relationships. It's about prioritising the people who are physically present in your life—those who share your day-to-day experiences and who are there to support you in real, tangible ways. By putting your phone down and focusing on these moments, you demonstrate to your partner and family that they are your priority.
Phones have the potential to kill relationships if they consistently distract us from the people who matter most. The constant pull of a phone can create a sense of disconnection, even when you're sitting right next to someone you love. Don’t let your relationship become one of those casualties. Make a conscious effort to prioritize real, face-to-face interaction. Remember that the moments you share with your loved ones are far more valuable than anything happening on a screen. By being present and engaged, you strengthen your relationships, deepen your connections, and create a more fulfilling and supportive environment for everyone involved.
Do good looks and charm really get you to where you want to be? I know that I am drawn to an attractive, good-looking child and I think to myself ‘that child will be successful in life’. But is that all it takes? Probably not, but it may well help to climb the career ladder.
Of course, we need to have the skills of our trade or profession, whether we are the CEO or an office cleaner, it makes no difference, we all have our role to fulfil in the workplace. So you would probably agree that hard work and tenacity are important elements in success but would you put ‘charm’ and ‘good looks’ in the same category?
I was interested to read a poll from Volunteer Reading Help, a UK children’s literacy charity, of 500 CEOs, managers and executives earning over £70,000 ($100,000) per year suggesting that hard work, looks and charm are routes to the top.
With the economic climate as it is at the moment, many people are choosing to remain where they are rather than seeking another job. But, while they remain, the most ambitious will be looking for better job opportunities within their organisation.
So, let’s look at some suggestions that may help you to increase your profile and build your professional reputation.
As we know, image is everything. If your dress appearance is untidy, that is probably how your work will be seen and don’t forget we are all salespeople, whether we are selling ideas to investors, team members or a company vision to prospective employees.
Discipline
You may have an entrepreneurial mind - one that is creative with ideas emanating from it every day. But make sure that you see your ideas through to the end. Don’t keep starting projects and not finishing them. That is a sure way to lose money and reputation.
Build rapport
Of course, networking is essential to identify opportunities and beat the competition. Getting people on your side, getting them to believe in you and to share in your passion is the name of the game. People who like you will have faith in you, defend you, want to be with you and to be a part of your success. You need your ‘foot soldiers’ around you, so start recruiting them early. You may not be collecting new, best friends but you need to get people to listen to you, trust you and be a part of your team. You need to give respect to them, and to others and in return you will receive respect back.
Focus
It is very easy to get distracted – emails, phone calls, social networking and the like. The person who gets to the top will be the person who knows how to be firm in refusing to be driven off course, or away from target, by interruptions or offers that will prevent or delay them from focusing on the job in hand.
Be charming
‘Charm’ is a word that is seldom used these days, but I like it and it is the word with which we started. Charm is the power of pleasing or attracting others through personality or beauty. Now you may think that you are not beautiful, but beauty comes from within. It can come from a warm smile, a caring thought, or a kind deed. We all have the ability to be more courteous and more polite than we are, and we all have the ability of rising above many of those around us. These gestures, all cost nothing but can bring extraordinary dividends. They give the greatest return on investment that is possible to get, anywhere!
Make sacrifices
Those who get to the top often have to make sacrifices along the way and this is a decision that they have to make if they want to climb that career ladder. However, getting to the top, takes more than just a ‘pretty face’ and ‘fancy clothes’. There has to be an inner strength, commitment and determination because the chances are that when one gets there, one doesn’t want to slide down that ladder again.
Good luck.
Key Points
- Looks alone won’t get you to the top
- Be charming but don’t let charm distract you!
- Image is everything – it is how you remembered
As December and the holiday period can be a time of over-eating and disturbed sleep due to too much food and too little exercise, I thought it might be useful to look at some of the causes of sleeplessness or insomnia. Some of my clients complain they either cannot fall asleep when they go to bed or they wake up at around 3 a.m. with their mind full of problems and things to do from home or work that seem insurmountable, during the night, and which prevent them from going back to sleep again. Consequently, at 6.30am when they need to get up, they feel unrefreshed and tired and certainly not ready for their day ahead.
If this happens to you, then maybe try some of these ways to help you through the night:
1. Don't eat heavy meals late at night. Think about what you are going to eat before you eat it. People who eat small meals at least four hours before bedtime are more likely to sleep well right through the night. A balanced diet consisting of fruit and vegetables, wholegrain carbohydrates, oily fish, nuts, seeds, lean meat and plenty of water can help promote good sleep. Of course, if you drink coffee in the evening, you are probably going to have to visit the bathroom and as caffeine is a strong stimulant, you may take a long time to get to sleep after your Americano or expresso! It has been said that for every cup of coffee after 8pm in the evening, you can lose one hour’s sleep!
2. Exercise: naturally not at night, but research shows that some regular exercise during the day can assist you to enjoy a restful night’s sleep, every night.
3. Make yourself comfortable: Establish a peaceful routine before you go to bed. Make sure that your bedroom is quiet and comfortable and not too hot. If you have air-conditioning it should be set not higher than about 18 C, or preferably a little lower to be conducive to restful sleep. Obviously, noise should be kept to a minimum with no TV or other music intruding upon your rest. Your bedroom should be an oasis relaxation and peace. You should remove all electronic equipment on standby from your room and that includes televisions, radios, routers, computers, iPads, eReaders, games consoles and, of course, cellphones. Many times clients say to me that they have their phones next to their bed which, of course means that not only are they are disturbed by the charging lights but they are also not consciously switching off at night as they are keeping themselves always on call. And TFT digital lit computer screens have been found to disrupt the sleep-promoting neurons in your brain. Better to have an old-fashioned book next to your bed!
4. Don't lie-in late: it is very tempting to stay in bed in the morning if you have had a disturbed night but that could just be getting you into a bad habit. Your body will start to get used to this pattern and whereas it might work at the weekend, it will not be beneficial if you have to rush to your job during the week. If you feel regularly tired during the afternoon, then try to take a cat-nap for 20 minutes which you could do during your lunch hour. When you awake, you can feel hugely refreshed and ready for an afternoon’s work.
5. Feeling worried or anxious? It could be worth trying a herbal remedy. If you find one that is natural and non-addictive, then you will not have to worry about becoming dependent on it and the very fact that you have taken something may help your mind relax and assist your dropping-off to sleep naturally.
Finally, going to sleep is an activity of its own. It needs planning and preparation. Your room should be somewhere that you happy to be in and somewhere that is your haven of peace, your ‘dar es salaam’, far away from the frenetic world in which you may live.
So plan it, enjoy it and recharge your batteries for the next day ahead. Have a good night and pleasant dreams!
Key Points
- Your bedroom needs to be quiet, cool and peaceful
- Coffee and other stimulants can rob you of sleep
- A 20 minute cat-nap at lunchtime can energise you
Sonya, is a Sales Manager in a Pharmaceutical company, a position that had taken her over 10 years to attain. She prides herself on her communication skills but at her appraisal meeting, she was told that her formal and blunt emailing style needed to be more ‘friendly’. She was very surprised and argued that the quantity of email that she had to deal with each day, meant that each one had to be actioned quickly, and with no real time for pleasantries.
Which leaves the question: could formal and blunt email messages be taken by the recipient as a form of cyber bullying? The answer is, ‘No!’. Cyber-bullying is writing with the intent to humiliate an individual by publishing adverse comment about him or her.
Although Sonya never does this, nevertheless her style of writing which is terse and short could be taken by the recipient as ‘unfriendly’ – which may not be termed ‘bullying’ but will nevertheless not make her addressee feel valued. Each time someone were to receive an email from her, it would seem like she is giving a directive or a command. Now, you may say that is what she is doing. However, I would say to you that there are better ways of getting the most out of others and that is not by making them feel that they are automaton. People like to feel valued and appreciated for not only what they do but who they are.
So where is the line between a direct and blunt, personal management style and bullying behaviour?
Many of us receive over fifty emails per day and our aim is to try to clear our inbox as quickly as possible, but in our haste, we may write in a way that can offend or which can appear as unnecessarily abrupt. When emailing, we very often ignore the usual courtesies that we use when writing a letter. Many times emails are received, and written, with no subject header but just the bare message, with the result that the words often appear to be harsh.
Do you remember the days when you would receive a letter by mail with a handwritten signature – instead of one that was scanned electronically? Unfortunately, such personal correspondence is now a thing of the past.
So what can you do about it?
- Never answer email if you are angry or emotional. If you wish to ‘let off steam’, then do so but put the email into your ‘draft’ box, as you may not wish to send it in the morning!
- When you have written your email, read it as if you were the person receiving it.
- Try and use words or phrases such as ‘I appreciate’, ‘you have done a great job’, ‘many thanks’, ‘you have done really well’, etc.
- Don’t copy in your emails or texts to the whole office when you don’t need to!
- Don’t send out emails late at night and set a poor example for working long hours
- Don’t make your messages ‘high-priority’ unless it is really urgent.
- If you need to be direct with someone – think of the words that you say BEFORE you write them.
- If you have sent an email and are not happy with what you have written, then pick up the phone and tell them, in advance.
- When have finished the email, then read it as if you were the one who is about to receive it. If you are happy with it, then send. If not, then revisit.
If you manage your emails and texts correctly and give praise at the appropriate time, then when you need to criticise, there will be a balance.
We tend to forget that once an email has been sent, then it is there for all time. We cannot retract what has been put down on paper, but we can use the ‘old fashioned’ means of saying ‘I’m sorry’ if upset has been caused.
Key Points
- Emails & texts show no emotion
- Give appreciation in your emails
- Electronic messaging needs care
PS And the same goes for your personal relationships as well as your business relationships
