Relationship Advice for New Couples
When the lockdown was announced, couples were forced to make a big decision: move in together or face the consequences of separation. Many couples made the former choice and fast-tracked their relationship to the next level even though this might not have been something they would have considered for weeks or months, coining the term ‘turbo relationships’.
Turbo Relationships Are Working!
It turns out that making that premature milestone, ignoring the relationship advice from friends or snarky remarks from family, has actually worked! Dating sites like eharmony and Relate have found that new couples that moved in together are feeling more committed than before and now know they want to spend their lives together.
Why?
You’ve probably found this yourself when you live with friends or family members, you reach a stage where you talk to each other constantly about anything and everything, providing the opportunity to learn about your partner’s life experiences, childhood and dreams. Relationship therapists and experts are explaining this through the fact that these couples have been able to get to know one another’s interests and personalities better as well as taking their sexual relationship to new heights.
You've been there for each other
It has also meant that whilst struggling with the impact of the lockdown, experiencing stress, loneliness or even just feeling a bit down at times, you’ve been able to see many different sides to your partner and you’ve been able to help one another out of the low points, solidifying your bond.
You've been a priority
Before lockdown, our lives were filled with other commitments - family, friends, work, hobbies. However throughout lockdown, many of these pressures have been eliminated or reduced with people working from home, unable to see their friends and families and no longer having the option to attend events or activities. There have been virtually no distractions and there’s been no pressure to do anything but spend time with one another.
You've helped each other out
Some couples have realised that living together eases some of their daily stressors, having somebody there to make dinner when you’re busy with work or too tired to cook, sharing the cleaning duties or taking it in turns to do the shopping as opposed to doing everything yourself. This also reveals a compassionate, sensitive and understanding side to a person, increasing attraction and enabling yourself to view them as a possible long-term relationship.
Will Turbo Relationships Continue to be Successful Post-Lockdown?
Obviously this will depend on the relationship and the way they re-enter their post-lockdown lives. One way to look at it is that solid foundations have been laid throughout this time, providing more strength and stability to navigate their way through later obstacles. New couples now know that they either were or weren’t ready for that next stage of the relationship and adjustments can be made if needed. They also made it through one of the most unprecedented and difficult times in recent years which has to provide some confidence.
Relationship Advice
One of the most important pieces of relationship advice I give to clients is to make time for one another. Building and maintaining a relationship takes time and effort. They need to see each other regularly and be present during these periods. Throughout lockdown, many couples will have realised how lucky they are to have one another and also, how much they’ve enjoyed spending their time together. This means that going forward, couples might choose to spend time together rather than seeing friends every weekend, and making the most of their evenings together rather than working late and checking their emails constantly.
For those turbo relationships that have used the lockdown as an opportunity to learn about one another, value and appreciate each other, and have genuinely enjoyed spending all of their time together should definitely feel confident heading into the next chapter of their lives.
Time will tell.
This entire discussion is relatively new; historically, taking your husband’s last name upon marriage wasn’t up for debate. The first American woman to legally maintain her surname was Lucy Stone, who in 1856 became an icon for women who wanted to buck marital traditions (for decades after her, women who kept their names after marriage were known as ‘Lucy Stoners’).
Not all couples divorce when their relationship runs into trouble. Many soldier on remembering that they entered into a partnership “for better or for worse” but what impact does this have on their self-esteem and ultimate happiness?
Growing a Healthy Relationship
Balancing togetherness and individuality is undoubtedly the key to a healthy relationship. Being a couple and at the same time maintaining a strong sense of your individual self is not an easy one but it is important to manage both your need for time together as well as your need for time apart.
Being Independent
There is certainly nothing wrong with being apart in order to do ‘your own thing’, however, it is important to find the middle ground and make sure that both you and your partner have quality time during your day.
You may love shopping but he may hate it so you shop with friends instead. He may love football so he goes to matches with his mates.
Doing things individually helps sustain a healthy relationship but it is important to make time to talk to share your activities when you both meet up again. You can swap ideas and news from your friends or something that really captured your imagination. Conversations such as these will enrich your relationship and bring stimulation and energy to your daily work.
Be reliable and trustworthy
Always follow through on your promises. Ensure that your partner can rely upon what you say. If they cannot trust you, even in small matters, then they will feel unsure about your reliability in important issues. Personal integrity is everything because relationships need trust in order to survive.
Expect ‘stones in the road’, sometimes.
A relationship is a journey, a daily journey, and every so often there will be a ‘stone’ or two in the road that may obstruct your path. So you need to either move it or find a way around it if you wish to get to where you are going. The point to remember is – resist the temptation to kick it! You will just hurt yourself and you will be no further down the road!
Quick Tips
- Work on being neither too distant nor too close. Kahlil Gibran said;
“ Stand together yet not too near together … for the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow”
- Learn the art of compromise and negotiation. Your weekly Friday night out might now become once a fortnight.
- Make sure that when you come back from your trip to the shops or football match that you make time to listen to and share each other’s experiences.
- Take responsibility for your own happiness. It is not up to anyone else to make you happy!
Book your on-line confidential consultation with Carole today. http://bit.ly/2uNz0u9 You will receive a reply within 24 hours, to arrange a time and date with Carole for your consultation.
