The Little Things Leave the Deepest Marks
In love, the moments that truly anchor a relationship are rarely the dramatic ones. More often, it’s the tiny gestures woven into ordinary days that make us feel cared for — the warm smile handed across the breakfast table, the thoughtful message sent mid-afternoon, the way your partner reaches for your hand when you’re unsettled. These moments are small in action but enormous in meaning. They’re the quiet signals that say, “You matter. I’m here.”
Kindness softens the daily rhythm between two people. It rebuilds connection when life becomes crowded or stressful, and it gently nudges us back toward each other when the world pulls us apart.
Being Kind Changes the Giver Too
We often talk about kindness as something we offer, but rarely about what it gives back to us. When you show kindness to your partner — especially on a difficult day — something shifts inside you. It brings forward patience, empathy and a deeper sense of presence. It reminds you of who you want to be in the relationship: steady, thoughtful, compassionate.
There is a quiet reward in choosing kindness. The act itself strengthens your emotional connection and reinforces your own sense of purpose within the relationship. It’s not just the recipient who feels closer. The giver does too.
Receiving Kindness Creates Emotional Safety
To receive kindness from someone you love is profoundly affirming. It tells you that you are valued, understood and safe. That sense of safety is what allows emotional intimacy to flourish. When your partner consistently treats you with gentleness — even when tensions run high — trust deepens. The heart relaxes. Walls fall away.
Kindness creates a space where both people can speak honestly, show vulnerability and feel held. And in a relationship, that kind of emotional safety is priceless.
Kindness Isn’t Soft — It’s the Strength That Holds Love Steady
We sometimes underestimate kindness, as though it is secondary to passion or excitement. In truth, kindness is what keeps a relationship strong when passion dips, when fatigue sets in, or when misunderstandings arise.
Kindness is choosing to listen instead of snap. It’s offering understanding when irritation would be easier. It’s giving the benefit of the doubt, not because you have to, but because you care.
These moments shape the emotional climate of a relationship far more than dramatic gestures ever will.
Love Grows Where Kindness Lives
At the heart of every healthy relationship is the simple desire to feel appreciated, seen and understood. Kindness is how we communicate those things — quietly, consistently and without fanfare.
It doesn’t require grand displays. It asks only for attention, intention and care.
Kindness is not an extra in a relationship. It is the soil that allows love to grow, deepen and endure.
We’ve all been there. Your partner upsets you, you’re sure you’re in the right, and yet… no apology is forthcoming. You wait, you hint, you hope. But still—nothing. So, what do you do when you know you deserve a “sorry” but it’s just not coming?
1. Check your own perspective.
It’s easy to get locked into being “right.” Before you dig your heels in, ask yourself: Is this about principle, pride, or genuine hurt? Sometimes, what we crave isn’t just an apology but acknowledgement that our feelings matter.
2. Remember: some people struggle to apologise.
For many, saying “sorry” feels like admitting weakness. They may fear losing face or control. It doesn’t mean they don’t care—it may mean they don’t have the language or emotional flexibility to apologise directly.
3. Separate the action from the intention.
Did your partner mean to hurt you, or was it careless? If it wasn’t deliberate, you might shift the conversation from blame to impact: “What you said really hurt me,” instead of “You were wrong.” That opens the door without forcing an admission of guilt.
4. Don’t make ‘sorry’ the prize.
If you make receiving an apology the only acceptable outcome, you may end up feeling even more stuck. Instead, focus on repairing the connection: “What I’d really like is for us to move past this—can we talk about how?”
5. Decide what matters most.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself: Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? That doesn’t mean swallowing your feelings, but it does mean prioritising the health of the relationship over winning the argument.
6. Know when to let go—and when not to.
If your partner never takes responsibility, and you find yourself repeatedly invalidated, that’s more than just a reluctance to say sorry—that’s a pattern. And patterns need addressing, otherwise resentment will quietly build.
Bottom line: You can’t control whether your partner says “sorry,” but you can control how you communicate, how you frame the situation, and how much weight you give to the apology itself. Sometimes love is about compromise; sometimes it’s about drawing a line. Knowing which is which is the real work of a relationship.
Our first visit to South Africa was in 2005. Michael, my late partner, and I were seeking more than just sunshine and scenery — we were looking for something real, something human. That’s when we met Jaucki, a tour guide who introduced us to township life — and unknowingly, to a whole new way of understanding relationships.
Many people imagine townships as impoverished and chaotic. But what I saw was a place alive with connection. These were communities where relationships were not optional, but essential — where families lived close, neighbours talked daily, and hardship was faced together.
Of course, challenges existed — addiction, poverty, and fractured homes. I saw the strain these placed on families and the heartbreak of trust broken between loved ones. But even amidst the struggle, I saw bonds being rebuilt and held together by sheer will and compassion.
Meeting Dreamcatcher — And a New Kind of Family
It was through Jaucki that I met Anthea Rossouw, founder of Dreamcatcher South Africa. Her vision was simple but radical: empower marginalised women through education and enterprise so they could care for their families with dignity. In other words, strengthen the relationships that matter most — between parents and children, neighbours and friends.
Michael and I returned every December for 15 years. It became a rhythm of our relationship — not just with each other, but with the community we had come to love. He took extraordinary photographs that captured something words often missed: the quiet strength of mothers, the joy of children, the unity of neighbours leaning on one another.
I led workshops on entrepreneurship. He created portraits that told human stories. Together, we were more than visitors — we were participants in something deeply relational.
My First Assignment: Confidence Through Connection
My most recent visit took me to a school in the Kwanangaba towns
hip, where I led a confidence-building workshop for teenagers. I asked them to look each other in the eye and shake hands with purpose — to feel the strength of that moment of connection.
It was awkward at first, but slowly, something shifted. There was laughter, and a spark of self-belief. What began as a simple gesture became a lesson in how we relate to the world — and to ourselves.
Relationships start here: in the small signals of respect and presence. I reminded those young people that connection begins with showing up — with eye contact, a smile, and the courage to be seen.
Continuing the Journey — In Michael’s Name
Michael passed away last year, but his love still travels with me. Before he died, we spoke about the work we had started — how it had shaped our own relationship and brought us closer.
And so, I returned. Alone, yes — but carrying our shared commitment to the people who had welcomed us so generously. Each workshop I now deliver — on stress, on wellbeing, on resilience — is part of that legacy.
The Universal Language of Love and Stress
When I speak to women in South Africa about stress, the themes are universal: relationships under strain, not enough time, feeling unheard. Whether in a London boardroom or a township kitchen, the human heart speaks the same language.
And in both places, stress often arises when relationships falter — when we feel unsupported, unseen, or disconnected.
But the solutions, too, are shared: empathy, communication, trust.
A Community that Still Knows How to Love
After six years away — separated by the pandemic — I didn’t know what to expect. But the welcome I received reminded me why this work matters. In Melkhoutfontein, where I’m staying, people still wave to one another. Children still play freely. Families still gather around shared meals.
In a world that often forgets the value of community, this place remembers. And it’s in these spaces — where love is visible in everyday actions — that relationships are not only built, but nourished.
Final Reflections: What Township Life Taught Me About Love
South African townships are not perfect. Addiction and poverty leave scars. But families stay close. Neighbours look out for one another. And love — even in its most practical forms — is everywhere.
Michael and I came here as outsiders. But we were drawn in by the strength of human connection. And now, even in his absence, that connection continues.
As I prepare for another workshop tomorrow, I hold this close:
Love doesn’t just survive across borders — it thrives, especially when it’s rooted in service, compassion, and community.
If you’d like to learn more or volunteer with Dreamcatcher South Africa, visit dreamcatchersouthafrica.com
April: A Time to Reflect
April is Stress Awareness Month – a timely opportunity to pause and consider how stress affects not only our own wellbeing but also the health and resilience of our relationships.
Stress is something we all experience at different times in life. But when it becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can subtly begin to influence how we interact with the people closest to us – often without us even realising.
How Stress Creeps into Our Relationships
In the rush of daily responsibilities – from work deadlines to family obligations – it’s easy to find ourselves stretched thin. When that happens, our emotional reserves run low. And it’s often our partner, spouse, or close family members who absorb the fallout.
You might notice yourself:
- Becoming short-tempered or easily irritated
- Zoning out in the evenings, scrolling through your phone
- Feeling emotionally distant or disconnected
- Avoiding conversations or meaningful interaction
These behaviours are rarely intentional. More often, they’re signs that we’re running on empty. But left unchecked, they can create emotional distance, frayed communication, and even resentment.
Taking Stock and Making Space
Stress Awareness Month invites us to ask: Are we giving our relationships the care they deserve?
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present. Even small, mindful changes can breathe fresh life into your connection.
So take a moment to reflect:
- Are you really listening when your partner speaks?
- Are you creating time for shared experiences and joy?
- Are you nurturing closeness, or just going through the motions?
Simple Ways to Reconnect
This month, try making a conscious effort to reconnect. Here are a few ideas:
- Plan a date night – just the two of you, away from distractions
- Go for a walk and talk – no phones, just conversation
- Cook a meal together – and sit down to enjoy it slowly
- Establish a 'tech-free' time each evening to focus on each other
These moments don’t have to be grand gestures. It’s the intention that counts – showing up, making time, and reminding each other that your relationship matters.
Stronger Together
Stress may be a part of life, but it doesn’t have to drive a wedge between us. With care and attention, it can even become an opportunity to grow closer – to offer each other support, kindness, and connection when it’s needed most.
So let April be a turning point. A chance to put down the stress, look each other in the eye, and say, “We’re in this together.”
