Nowadays - regardless of your gender - you have the option to keep your own name, change it to your spouse’s, or keep both and be double-barrelled. The name you choose could be motivated by personal or professional reasons. Sometimes there may be a valuable professional identity that you wish to retain, which will also require discussion.
Husbands can be sensitive to their wife’s decision to retain her surname and may find it hard to get beyond the perception of her not being fully committed to the marriage; likewise, some wives may feel that they are giving up too much of their own identity if they take their husband’s surname.
Choosing your name is an important decision, and if it is a sensitive issue to you and your partner make sure you give it the consideration it deserves. Don’t expect to sort it out with a quick chat in front of the telly when you’re both tired. There is less chance of you coming to the right decision if you discuss it through mouthfuls of Doritos while trying to concentrate on the Coronation Street Omnibus. The chances are it will take more than one conversation, and that’s fine. This decision is here for the long-haul, so turn the telly off, take your time and give it your full attention.
Do:
- Select the right time to have a discussion by yourselves, without interruptions, and don’t rush to make a decision.
- Remain positive and seek to find a resolution and agreement that suits you both.
- Be honest about what each of you wants and why, and then look for a win-win solution that might meet your needs.
Don’t:
- Use the three minutes of an advert break to hurriedly broach the subject through a mouthful of crisps before Coronation Street comes back on.
- Treat this like a competition and enter discussions as if you are opponents looking to win the day.
Here's Your Next Step
If you're feeling lonely and would like to find out what's getting in the way of you finding a partner or if you'd like to improve your relationship with your partner, then please call me.
It can help to talk and here's the number - + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593 or email me if you prefer at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
Or fill in my on-line consultation. Whatever is best for you. I hope to hear from you.
