My last blog shared tips that could help the relationships of those who are in lockdown with their partner. This week, I want to focus on those who are isolating away from their partner, and how this could be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
After the lockdown measures were put in place due to the current pandemic, many people found themselves separated from their loved ones, unable to directly see and spend time together. Obviously, you will be missing your partner, deprived of their physical contact and emotional connection even though you can engage in video calls, phone calls and text messages, it will not be able to fill the void of face-to-face contact. My walk-and-talk sessions may help you navigate these emotions you’re faced with, and the stress and anxiety you might feel as a result.
Here are some tips to aid your relationship whilst you’re separated:
- - Send them something physical.
Although technology will be useful for keeping in touch throughout lockdown, there is something special about something you can actually hold, knowing that they also held that too. Think about a letter you could send to them. They get to see your handwriting and touch the paper where your hands have been. It’s much more personal and can aid in feeling close to one another.
- - Keep perspective.
If you were not spending this time apart, it would mean that you would need to be living together. Right now, living with loved ones brings its own set of challenges. If you have found yourself in this situation, my last article shares tips on how to manage this. Boundaries are blurred between our professional and personal lives. Spending all our time together means that we may not actively be making time for one another. While you are not used to spending so little time together, the opposite of this is spending so much time together which is also an unfamiliar situation. One that you don’t know how you would respond to as a couple.
- - Think about your reunion.
It is thought that missing your partner can lead to greater feelings of commitment when you are reunited. The relationship may benefit from positivity, openness and assurance going forwards. Being apart means that your relationship becomes more idealised than realistic. You’re not getting into arguments about the little things that bother you, instead you’re fantasising about all the things you can do together once this is over.
- - Take this time to work on yourself and develop some of your other significant relationships.
When you get used to spending most of your free time with one person, you can forget to pursue the activities that you enjoy, and prioritise the relationships that were important to you. Try making contact with an old friend or family member that you might not have spoken with lately. Use this opportunity to pick up hobbies or begin new ones such as baking, reading, yoga or running. This can have positive effects on the relationship once you are brought back together.
- - Focus on the time you do have together.
If you segment your time as individual and together, it can help you to get things done that are important to you in your own time, leaving yourself completely available when you engage in video chats or phone calls. If you spend the time together checking your phone or doing the dishes, you are not actively participating in spending time together. The other person might feel as if you aren’t listening to them and this might hurt their feelings. Make sure you are present every time you get the chance to speak.
- - When you do reunite, keep in mind that adjustments might need to be made.
You will likely go from not seeing much of them at all to suddenly being around one another all the time. It’s the same as when people retire and find themselves being connected much more with their partner, and this isn’t always a good thing. Recognise that things may be turbulent and stressful to begin with, and that you may have to make room for one another again. Be aware that they may have changed as a person, and you may have to reacquaint yourselves with one another, no matter how much time has gone by.
Remember that the sacrifices you are making are to benefit your health and the health of your loved ones, and these will not last forever. It is important to remain hopeful during these troubled times, and to know how to manage your own stress and anxieties. Many of my clients make a time to speak to me [in confidence] when they go for a walk and are by themselves and have a clear mind. Whatever your problems are, there is always someone who will listen – you just need to look.
Keep looking forward to the day we can all be reunited with our loved ones. In the meantime, stay safe and look after yourselves.
