Carole's blog

Retirement Advice: Don’t Try and Change your Spouse!

28 October 2013 By In Relationship Advice

Retirement brings with it a new set of challenges for couples but rest assured whilst you may be able to change yourself you probably cannot change your spouse.

It is challenging when faced with a spouse who demonstrates behaviour that you find hard to accept such as gambling, excessive drinking, spending too much money, or being unfaithful. Retirement offers the opportunity to pursue hobbies and do all the things you have previously not had time for but it also offers the opportunity to over indulge in pastimes that are not necessarily good for your relationship.

Issues such as these could potentially wreck your retirement and ultimately destroy your marriage and if your spouse won't change and isn't willing to work on improving these matters, then your retirement will not be the relaxing, fun time you anticipated .

If what is happening in your relationship is a deal breaker, then this is exactly the right time to seek professional guidance to help you both through these difficult times. Discussing the problems you are experiencing with a relationship expert will give you both a greater idea of how your behaviour is impacting on those closest to you and ultimately what harm you are doing to each other and your relationship.

You can move on in situations such as these and sometimes working through issues with a relationship expert can make your relationship stronger, but there has to be a keen sense of commitment to do so to make your relationship work now that you have entered this new phase in your life.

Tips:

  • You may be able to help your spouse to modify their behaviour but you may not be able to change them.
  • Accept what you can and cannot do.
  • Have realistic expectations of who they are, their values and their goals.
  • Some situations can be dealt with and other situations will be deal breakers.
  • You may need to seek professional guidance from a relationship expert.

If you are having trouble adjusting to retirement and finding it hard to say exactly how you feeling to your partner, relationship advice and support is at hand. Do call Carole for a FREE, confidential 15 minute consultation. It helps to talk so do call on: + 44 (0) 20 8954 1593 or email her at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 
Carole Spiers

I am a Relate-trained Integrative counsellor & member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP). Working as a Relationship Advice expert, I appreciate that you maybe going through a rough patch with your partner, spouse or even your children. Let me help you find the key to improving your relationship that will increase your joy & understanding of each other.

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Contact Carole

Please feel free to contact me in confidence today

T: +44 (0) 20 8954 1593
E: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Skype: CSG0806
A: 186, Willifield Way, London NW11 6YA

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