He proposed and you said ‘Yes’! It is real– you are getting married! A part of you is in a complete state of disbelief. You thought it might happen to you one day and now it actually has and those euphoric feelings transport you on to Cloud Nine!
In a single moment your status has changed from ‘single’ to ‘engaged’ and a whole new world has opened up ahead of you. It is going to be amazing and you feel as if you are the only person who has ever been engaged to be married!
He was 40 and you were 25 when you got married – it was all so perfect. You wed in a blaze of glory but now 40 years on, things have changed.
You love each other dearly but bridging the age gap in later years is not as easy as it was in the early days. Now you want and need different things. Your priorities have now also changed.
Are you single? Are you tired and fed up of seeing happy, couples walking around the park arm in arm. Do you feel that the world is passing you by and wish you had a girlfriend or boyfriend to share your time with?
Now, just because you are alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are lonely but there may certainly be times when you wish you could be more self-confident and self-assured and have someone by your side.
So what is getting in the way? Well, it could be that your communication skills need improving as it is difficult for you to open up conversations with people whom you meet.
I know you are going to tell me that you know your partner and of course you do. However, you may not know them as well as you think you do once you start living together.
Commercial Valentine cards were introduced in the early 1800's. Today the shops are full of cards, hearts and red roses. February 14th is literally a red letter day! However not everyone will be all smiles as an estimated 190 million cards, text messages and emails are delivered around the world.
For many, Valentine's Day is a day filled with the expectation of love and romance. But for many others, it is just another day of media hype and commercialism. For some it will be a day filled with cards, chocolates, roses and words of love but for many it will be a day tinged with sadness with no red envelope dropping onto the doorstep and no warm glow of love around.
Putting on a wedding can be like a military manoeuvre. It needs to be planned with precision to ensure that all goes well on the day. Ask any married couple and they will tell you that a wedding won't all just happen around you.
You need to be in the driving seat and everyone around you needs to know what they are doing, when they are doing it and most importantly how they are going to do it. However, do be very careful to include sensitivity and thoughtfulness in with the planning. Some people can feel that they are being asked to do too much and don't want to let you down and others would love to be asked to do more and are just waiting in the wings for the nod!
With weddings often come big expectations from those around you. Think hard about your own expectations. Then think about whether these expectations and aspirations are really yours or are they coming from others? Is it you who really wants the small intimate wedding or are you just rebelling against the lavish family wedding that your sister had last year?
Do you really want a big meringue wedding dress or is this something that your mother wants you to have as she never had the opportunity to wear one herself? Do you really want to wear a morning suit or is this something more for your father's benefit rather than yours? In fact, would you prefer to wear a lounge suit or if you could really have your way jeans and t-shirt but we won't go there!
Different cultures bring with them their own richness and learning. Not only will you be getting married and that means a new situation for you but you might also be entering into a new family situation with new traditions, ways of living and expectations that need to be realised.
You may think you have an understanding of your fiancée's culture as you have been together for a while but most of your time will probably have been spent as a couple and not with their family and that is a different matter altogether. You may well have spent time popping in and out of their home but not necessarily had any deep meaningful discussions with them about their expectations, hopes and fears.
Planning to get married can bring up new perspectives in your life. All of a sudden you start thinking of yourself as a prospective wife/ husband with all the attendant issues that go with the role. Thoughts of children and becoming a parent flit through your mind– surely you aren't ready for that yet! After all, you only just decided to get married!
But then you start to look at babies in buggies being wheeled down the road and you realise that you are indeed entering a new chapter in your life and it all seems to be happening so quickly!
Academic research shows that 'getting married' is high up on the list of stressful life events. So why should that be? Well, first and foremost there are all the preparations in the lead up to your wedding– so much to do and often so little time to do it in. The day itself will present a new situation for you and it may well take you out of your comfort zone. You and your partner will be the centre of attention all day. You will be meeting and greeting, perhaps making a speech and that in itself can be quite stressful.
Constantly finding fault with your partner over petty, inconsequential issues or tasks can be extremely damaging to a relationship so don't do it!
Continual finding fault is a sign that you don't respect your partner and respect is all important for a happy and healthy relationship. If you persist in finding fault with everything your partner does or says, a growing resentment will develop between the two of you and it will undoubtedly cause angry words and unnecessary emotional stress.
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